Rocketship
by Becca Black
Summary: Harry feels guilty about an earlier occurance and starts to take action. one shot song fic.


Rocketship  
Lyrics by Guster  
  
They'll find it on the stairs  
  
Politely placed it there  
  
Been so unkind without a hint  
  
No warning sign for them  
  
Harry placed an envelope on the stairs to his dorm room. 'They'll find it if it's here. No! I won't talk to anyone about,' he had constantly been arguing with himself about the decision that he had made.  
He climbed up the rest of the stair way and opened his trunk. Moving a few things around, he spotted the bottle he was looking for. As he walked to the bathroom, he opened it and looked at the myriad of pills in the bottle.  
  
Read my apology  
  
Their hope of disbelief  
  
But no denial changes things  
  
No remedy ahead  
  
"Ron and Hermione, I'm sorry I'm doing this. It has to be that way and I hope you can see why. I only cause people pain. Why should it go on like that? It's my fault that countless people die every day and I can no longer live with the guilt of it all.."  
  
"Do you think what I think?" Hermione asked Ron.  
  
"No he wouldn't do that. Not Harry. That's never been the way he handles problems. Read on."  
  
I am not to be martyred  
  
I am not to be worshipped  
  
I did it not to be strong, strong, strong  
  
I implicate no others in this crime  
  
".Please understand that I don't want anything fancy. Just simple. Private. Too many people worship me, and they would try and make me out to be some sort of martyr. I don't want that. I want the world to know that I am a coward. I am not strong. Know that no one else effected this decision. No one. I made it on my own for my own reasons.."  
  
I'm off on a rocketship prepared for something new  
  
I'm off on a rok-it-ship ecstatic with the view  
  
I am scared of the things upcoming  
  
And I want for the things I don't have  
  
Cannot stand to be one of many  
  
I'm not what they are  
  
"Mione? Do you think he did it?" Ron asked, but Hermione was already running up the staircase and into the boys dorms.  
  
"He's not here!" Hermione screamed. But Ron knew better, he ran into the bathroom and found Harry crumpled on the floor, a bottle and pills strewn over the tiles. Hermione started to cry and rocked Harry's stiff body back in forth wishing it weren't true. A piece of crumpled paper fell out of Harry's pocket. Ron picked it up. It was dated from about a month ago. " I have to prepare. I have to be ready. It's just a new thing, change. You've handled change before. You can do it again. Alone this time. I'm not what they think I am. I want to have what Hermione and Ron have together, and I want the happiness that Ginny has. I want to be what they want me to be. I'm not. Just keep going.I'm not the same.Help me.."  
  
We'll gather in my name  
  
The morning will begin  
  
It's all or nothing over there  
  
It's teasing me again  
  
"I wanted it all to be quiet. It'd begin at mid-morning and end shortly after. Just you Sirius. And Remus, 'Mione, and Ron. Maybe Dumbledore. Nothing big." Harry said. He had gone home, Sirius' house, to 'recover' from what most of the students' thought was a bad fall on wet floor. Hermione and Ron knew different.  
  
A tear fell down Sirius' cheek. "Harry, please stop. We all love you. You did not do anything wrong. Please!"  
  
"I did do something wrong. I should have stopped Wormtail from taking blood from me three years ago. I could have but I was too cowardly to do it. I killed all those people that died in the London Street massacre. I did it. If I hadn't let Wormtail take that blood, all those people would still be alive today. All of them Sirius."  
  
"No you didn't Harry. What do we have to do to convince you of that? YOU DIDN'T CONTRIBUTE IN ANYWAY TO WHAT HAPPENED AFTER THAT NIGHT!" Sirius was visibly shaken by what his godson thought. He slumped down and sat on the floor next to the couch that Harry had been lying on since he got home a week ago.  
  
Harry had just passed out when Hermione and Ron found him. Ron had gotten Madame Pompfry. Sirius had rushed over to Hogwarts as soon as he had found out the news. Once he was in a better state to travel, Sirius took him home.  
  
"I deserve to die. Why couldn't Ron and Hermione wait just a few more minutes? There's nothing for me here. No family. Nothing."  
  
"Harry, don't you see. You are my family. You are like a son to me, not just a godson. A son. You and I are family, and that is something. Do you know how long it took me to get over Azkaban? I don't want to know how long it would take to get over my only family dying."  
  
"But I deserve to die." Harry said.  
  
Sirius started to sob. He leaned over and hugged Harry tightly, a gesture that he had always given in hopes to let others know that he loved them. Gently he picked Harry up and carried him into his own room. Lying him down on the bed, he looked at what Harry surrounded himself with when he was in his room. Gryffindor posters, pictures of Hermione and Ron, and ones of his parents filled the walls. Harry quickly to sleep once in his own bed. Sirius lied down next to him and cried. "Don't do it again Harry.please!" 


End file.
